and so it begins...

Well, it's real. It's really happening. Tomorrow morning is the first day of my senior clinical rotation of veterinary school. I've received my white coat, and I'm officially a fourth year veterinary student. Me. Jamie Berning. Senior Veterinary Student.

I'm currently filled with an array emotions flooding my body and mind. I'm more excited than I could have imagined; I've done it! I'm here! Finally. I'm more nervous than I could have imagined; Am I ready for this? How am I possibly going to remember everything I learned over the past 3 years in class? I'm more terrified than I could have imagined; How will I react the first time I have a patient die? What will I do when they ask me to perform a skill I simply can't remember or have never performed? I'm more relieved than could have imagined; I really don't have to sit through lectures everyday? Am I honestly finished taking midterms and final exams?

As these emotions stir within me, I think back to everything I have done to get to where I am. My mom proudly tells the story of the declaration I made when I was just 5 years old "When I grow up, I want to be a veterinarian" she'll quote. She continues to add "and you always told me you would go to Ohio State". Thank you, mom, for supporting me endlessly over the past twenty-six years of my life. For the hours of studying, quizzing me on words you could barely pronounce, and encouragement you provided when I didn't think I could do it anymore I will forever be grateful. I truly could not have done this without the support of my family and amazing friends.

I was recently looking through my 7th grade yearbook. I was voted most likely to be a veterinarian. Then I flipped through my 8th grade yearbook. I was, again, voted most likely to be a veterinarian. I found my senior scrapbook from high school. Under my plans for the future, I wrote about attending OSU and becoming a veterinarian. When I got to college, they (advisors and administrators) told us (the pre-vet students) that less than half of us would go to vet school. I thought they were trying to scare us, that there was simply no truth to their statement. Of the group of four who vowed to go to vet school together as college freshmen in 2001, two of us did it. They were right - only the truly dedicated would make it.

It would be impossible to count the hours I spent studying to get to where I am. It would be equally as impossible to count the hours I spent crying, worrying, and doubting myself. I believe it is my persistence that has brought me this far. I wouldn't, I couldn't, let go of my dream. Even when I felt like I couldn't make it, when I was swamped with twenty-nine credit hours and my life revolved around classes in vet school, I pushed through.

They assured us yesterday at our White Coat Ceremony that we are ready for this. They told us that there will be times when we won't know the answers, we won't know the diagnosis, and we won't even know where to start. I know they're right. I've spent the past few weeks flipping through my equine anatomy books, reading through past lectures (yes, even those horrid orthopedic lectures I swore didn't matter to me because I would never work with horses or their legs), and attempting to memorize all of the common conditions, normal values, and vaccine protocols in my Pasquini "Guide to Equine Clinics" book. I still feel like I won't know where to start.

It's here. Tomorrow I will lay my hands on a live patient. It will be my patient. And I will be the senior veterinary student working with the clients. I am ready to begin this very new, very exciting, and very terrifying adventure in my life. As I scramble to learn as much as I can about horses tonight, I can't forget why I'm doing this. It all started one day when I was five years old and I told my mom "When I grow up, I want to be a veterinarian".