Recent Thoughts.

As I return home from Iowa, everyone keeps asking me "How was it?!" to which I can only say "it was okay. I learned a lot."

What did I learn? I learned that I don't think I can work with pigs everyday for the rest of my life. Me? Not becoming a swine vet?! I know. I can hardly believe it myself. But, maybe I'm just not cut out for the job. Or, maybe the job isn't cut out for me.

I loved a lot of things about my trip to Iowa. I loved getting to know Kate - my roommate and hostess for the weeks I was there. I loved waking up everyday knowing I wasn't going to be sitting in a classroom. I loved the confidence I gained in being at a farm with other students without a clinician present. I loved the fact that I can cut open an animal and identify all of their internal structures without a problem. I loved not ever sitting around bored trying to waste time. I loved the experience, the knowledge, the pigs, and the people at Iowa State. I didn't love the job.

"WHAT!?!" has been the response I've gotten. "Why not?!" when I mention I don't think I'll work with pigs for my life. Well, for a lot of reasons. It was everything I thought it would be and everything I didn't want it to be.

I am a person who gives presentations to the community on what I believe in. I go out and present to the Lions, Kiwannis, etc Clubs in and around Columbus - to teach them how and why the pork industry raises pigs the way we do today. I love the pork industry, and I love everything positive that the industry has to offer. I believe that MANY producers respect their animals and love what they do. I believe that there are a lot of good people and families involved in raising pigs today.

I saw a lot of farms that were clean, organized, had great ventilation, and few sick pigs. I also saw a lot of different farms. Not everything was as wonderful as I would have liked it to be.

We spent a lot of time evaluating pigs, posting pigs, collecting samples, and disinfecting everything we brought with us. Because of the strict biosecurity on hog farms today, it was required that we wiped or sprayed (sometimes both) everything that came out of our vehicle at the farm. I completely understand this practice, and support cleaning of one's self and instruments before switching patients and facilities. However, I believe this is why I got so sick.

Somewhere between the Lysol and the few barns with poor ventilation, I lost my immune system. I was so sick I couldn't breathe. Dressed in disposable (non-breathable) coveralls everyday- some hot days, some cold days - with a mask on my face, wearing ear plugs, changing plastic boots between barns, euthanizing, cutting, and dragging pigs... I realized this wasn't what I loved.

I love the animals. I love the thrill of playing detective - finding the pig that represents the herd and evaluating it. I don't love euthanizing pigs. I don't like watching pigs die. And, I don't like way I felt (physically, mentally, and emotionally) at the end of everyday.

Tuesday, May 18th was the day I decided I wouldn't be able to work with pigs anymore. Tuesday was a long, hot, exhausting day. Tuesday I had a negative interaction with someone, and it was enough to push me over the top. Tuesday was a day that changed my life.

Here I am, home from Iowa. I had expected to meet people, but I never expected to find such a great friend in Kate. I expected to walk away even more excited about pigs than I had ever been, but I never expected I would walk away questioning whether or not I want to work with pigs or what my career path might be from here.

I am left with many questions, but I am also left with plenty of time to figure out what I love and what drives me. I have confidence that when I finish veterinary school next year, I will walk away with a love and passion for my job, whatever it may be.